How do you
by Hellen Lou
Summary: How do you deal with the woman you love and the man she choose. A POV from a hurt memember of the SG1 team. Written during the early seasons.


How do you

* * *

You wait and tell yourself that there will be a time.

But with this job you know the risks, but somehow we still jump in.

I know the risk when I met her; I knew the risk when I said ok. But I was too scared of the risks, so I said nothing, I hid behind our team, it would damage the trust within the group and I was ok with that, plus I made out that she had someone else, which wasn't far from the truth.

But they both knew the risk, and they took no notice of it, they knew that it would go against the unspoken law of teams, never date with in, but they didn't care. Love. That was what it did to you.

I hurt, I pined I tried to move on, but the pain still ate away my heart, the pain of seeing them tougher, seeing them care about each other, the relationship they had and the fact that the unspoken law didn't matter.

I know, to the outside world it looked like it didn't care, but I only knew that the little fights are what get to a relationship, the trust. But they got over it. They became the shining guide to others who had unspoken love for another with in the SGC.

So all that brings me to the untimely question of how do you tell the woman you fell in love and had loved and admired so much that it hurt to the point when you would actually want to hit and kick your best friend over and over till he understood what you were feeling, that the man she loved with all her heart and soul, the very man she stood side by side with, been to hell and back (literally) had disappeared and could be very dead and now try and imagine how she would feel in your arms. Not that easily when you see the look pass across her face, the hurt that should be shining through you face. The pain that should be tearing down your walls and making you wake up at three in the morning with his cries of help, tears of fear and lose mingling with sweat. So I stood and watched as her face crumpled then her body. What was I, I loved the man, he was not only my best friend, but my brother, and the man I turned to for help.

It hurt to see her in pain, a year of near hopes dashed by a GDO signal belonging to the wrong person; slowly her pain echoed across my own face, it was a look that was shared throughout the SCG.

Now a year later I ask another question, how do you tell the woman you feel in love with, wanted to be with that her true love was back, and ok. How do you get pass the shattering pain of the look of happiness that passed his face when you tell him that she never loved anyone else. This is how, do as I do. Stand outside her door, she had been gone for three hole days after a trip with friends, you knock and wait for her to open, flashing the biggest smile "you come to ask me about my trip" she asks bright fully as you shake your head "Sam, he's back, in the infirmary" and you watch as emotions rush across her face, and you hold back the urge to tell her that you love her more then him, and you can do this because you've been taught it all before. Then you follow her to the infirmary and you watch with a false smile as they embrace and tell each other how much they love each other, while you back away into the background that is the life of SGC.

I sit in the mess hall staring into my cold coffee, and then he comes in, the man who I dared to call my friend, the man I lie too for so many years and I listen as he tells me about what happens. I could kill him, but I love him, I love because he is my friend and my brother but I love to hate him.

"Thank you" he mutters before I look up, I don't hate him, and I hate my self. I love the woman he loves, but he had the bottle to tell her first. But I know what he went through the heart ache, the lose. But somehow through the pain and the mist of death, the line between love and co worker blurred tougher and they stopped caring, they loved each other too much to give up. The little fights were gone within an hour.

"Jack I want you to know that you're my best friend, I love you almost as much as Sam, in the sense of brother and friends" Daniel you son of a gun. I look at him, I'm the son of a bitch, and I'm the guy everyone loves to hate in the love story. Because I called my self his friend, I'm the son of a bitch because I'm in love with his wife. So the answer to the riddle, the question of life that belongs to none other then Jack O'Neill, colonel from the USAF. How do you get along with the woman you love and the man she married, the man you dare to call your friend.

You become a son of a bitch, that's how.

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I wrote this years ago while still in college and I found it whilst looking through my compture and I always loved it... hope you enjoy. 


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